:: off on the wrong foot ::
...some kind of awkward journey

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Friday, June 22, 2001

Friday Funnies:

1) "Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships." (Sharon Stone)

2) Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in." (Courtney Cox as "Monica" on "Friends")

3) "I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are
apparently doing quite well for themselves." (Jerry Garcia, Grateful Dead)

4) "Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." (Barbara Bush, former US First Lady)

5) "Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." (Robin Williams)

6) Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. (Billy Crystal)

7) "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house." (Rod Stewart)

8) "On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars." (Bruce Willis - on the difference between men and women)

9) "And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan." (George Burns)

10) "My girlfriend always laughs during sex - no matter what she's reading." (Steve Jobs, Founder: Apple Computers)

11) "I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?" (Arnold Schwarzenegger)

12) "Hockey is a sport for white men. Basketball is a sport for black men. Golf is a sport for white men dressed like black pimps." (Tiger Woods)

13) "Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself." (Roseanne)

14) "According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, whereas, of course, men are just grateful." (Robert De Niro)

15) "There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what's the problem?" (Dustin Hoffman)

16) "There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, "I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked." (Jerry Seinfield)

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time." (Robin Williams)


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